A Place for Prayer: LGBTQ+ Weddings

Where Our Story Began

Some Important Background Knowledge

Before my official dive into wedding photography, I entered the wedding industry as an ordained officiant offering my services to couples with an evident love for each other. My approach was non-denominational in nature, meaning that I was willing to preside over both secular and religious ceremonies, offer Christian-centric prayers and blessings, or for couples who had no religious preference or affiliation, no praying or blessings at all.

At the time, I was dating my now-wife, planning our lives together, and researching organized Christian religions where we could safely worship together. My wife was raised and confirmed into the Catholic faith, of which she was no longer a participant, while I was raised in an Assemblies of God household; think less-strict (about clothes and hair) pentecostals, contemporary worship music, and speaking in tongues.

Both of us had a desire to be connected with our faith, but we weren't sure how to find the middle ground between our two, extremely different, religious backgrounds AND also be safe to pray, worship, and listen to the gospel among likeminded people. To sum up the feeling, we felt alienated by christianity, but not by Christ.

Then we found the Episcopal church. I think it was more of a natural transition for my wife, since Episcopalians are basically Catholics who decided to get it right with their church culture AND doctrine. Catholics, please don't sue me. For me, I think, it was more of an adjustment, since it was a very Catholic-adjacent service structure, there were no big tv screens, alter calls, stage lights, or prophesying in tongues. IYKYK. But, there was the word of God, worship, communion, and there was prayer. I was soaking it in, I was listening carefully, I was researching church doctrine, and understanding the exegesis and eisegesis (the interpretation) of scripture that Episcopal priests were taught throughout Seminary. Mentally, I was accepting the Episcopal church as a place for me. Not until I walked through the doors of St. Paul's in Prosper, Texas, did I really FEEL it. That's really where and when I began to experience God, within a church-space, in a way that I had not in many, many years. I was safe to worship, my wife was safe to pray, and our daughter was safe to learn about God and attend Sunday school without exclusionary judgment.

So, being in the wedding industry...

I have witnessed and officiated wedding ceremonies, where I have found that most of the "non-trad" couples I work with choose to leave God out of their nuptials, because including God, scripture, or faith seems uncertain. It's the feeling of: "I want to have a prayer, but what will my guests think", or worst of all, "Do I even have the right to pray at my wedding?"

In more ways than one, these couples have been made to feel left out and abandoned by church institutions and church people. They don't know how they can include God, if they should, if it's somehow 'hypocritical' of them, what their Christian guests will think, what their non-Christian guests will think...the list is VERY long.

So, this writing is primarily directed toward those who are not quite sure how to navigate including "God" in a social and political climate, where the man-made image "God" seems to be at odds with so many people. This is for the folks who are experiencing, what I'd describe as, spiritual imposter syndrome.

There is no such thing as "just" a prayer...

Recently, I had the privilege of photographing a wedding for two lovely brides, everything was happening in typical wedding-fashion. As the service was beginning, one of the bride's father's, after hugging his daughter and greeting his soon-to-be daughter-in-law, took the microphone and opened their ceremony with the most beautiful prayer.

I describe it as "beautiful", but it wasn't a very long prayer, it wasn't overly spiritual or religious, he didn't say anything remarkably profound, but it was a Christian-centered blessing, spoken in obvious-love, over his daughter and her wife.

Something about the moment was remarkable, though. I'm not sure of either bride's religious background, I don't know their whole story, and I don't know what kind of relationship they have with God or christianity, but I do know that both of them, and every single guest and vendor who was present, was moved by that prayer. As I photographed through my own watering eyes, I paused to see if it was just me having an emotional moment, but...I was not surprised to find that tears were falling all around me. It was just a prayer, right? Wrong.

It's okay to pray.

I know this seems obvious, but it doesn't always feel that way. I don't who might need to hear this, but it's okay to pray.

Without getting super preachy, prayer is what connects you to God. Even if your faith journey feels a lot like Tom Hank's character in Castaway (alienated, alone, forgotten), even if you've been totally ostracized by the church you were raised in, even if people you love have abandoned you under the guise of "faith", even if you are not sure that you fit in anywhere, even when it seems like God is getting a bad rap because "Christians" are not living like Christ...it's okay to pray.

This message might not be for you, but I know that there are A LOT of LGBTQ+ people who feel their inner alarm systems go off when "God", "Christianity", "Church" are brought up, and it's SO valid. Church hurt is so real. Regular hurt is so real. Wanting to find God, but not knowing who you can trust to help you find Him, because "Christians" have historically gotten it wrong SO often is real. Wanting to include God in your wedding through prayer, blessings, or readings, but feeling like God might not want to be included...is real.

So, for those just stumbling upon this journal entry today, or those who are planning their weddings, this is just a little reminder, that if you want to include God in your wedding, if you want to include God in your life, it's possible, and there are people who won't call you an imposter, a hypocrite, a sinner, or unworthy.

Lots of love,

Bailey